


i came out of the woods by choice

by prouveyrac



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, and also lowkey encourages pavellan, cole reads my inquisitor for shit, thx mumford and sons for the title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: If Camris had not already felt like his heart was pounding out of his chest, like every single nerve of his was activated and thrumming on the surface of his skin, he might have been able to avoid flinching at Cole’s sudden voice over his shoulder. Instead, however, he jolted and knocked his knee into the stone wall of the battlements.“You smile a lot. You joke a lot, too. And laugh. Always laughing.”
Relationships: Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus, Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus, but like... pre-pavellan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	i came out of the woods by choice

“Inquisitor-”

If Camris had not already felt like his heart was pounding out of his chest, like every single nerve of his was activated and thrumming on the surface of his skin, he might have been able to avoid flinching at Cole’s sudden voice over his shoulder. Instead, however, he jolted and knocked his knee into the stone wall of the battlements.

“Cole,” he greeted, putting on a grin as he ignored the slight stinging in his knee. Leggings never did much for armor, let alone enough to protect from cuts and bruises. “A pleasure.”

Cole, under the brim of his hat, stared at him,  _ through  _ him. Camris, in return, cocked his head and let his grin fall into a smirk. 

“Enjoying the view?” He stepped to the side (out of line of sight), and flourished to the unending landscape beyond them, turning back to it (turning  _ away _ ). “The Frostbacks look nice, too.”

Even on his back, he could feel Cole’s gaze follow him. Maybe it was just a spirit thing. Maybe it was that, in this moment, Camris felt everything.

“You smile a lot.”

Camris chuckled, shrugging. “Got a good set of teeth, might as well show them off.”

“You joke a lot, too,” Cole prodded. “And laugh. Always laughing.”

Camris tried to laugh again, but the chill down his spine made it sound more like a cough. “What can I say? I’m a-”

“Laughing.” Cole stepped up beside him. “Always laughing. Laughing so that they laugh. Laughing so that they laugh  _ with  _ you. Never at you. _ Can’t _ be at you. Laughing so that they don’t look too hard. Laughing because it’s easy to fake when it’s so loud. Laughing so it doesn’t feel like falling- falling, falling, they don’t _ see _ you falling. It’s too dark for them to see you, but you keep laughing, because you still see them. Falling, laughing, falling, falling-” Cole flinched, and Camris did, too “-Landing. You land when you’re alone. And you stop laughing.”

Camris tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted, and only realized he was failing when it felt like the stone beneath his feet was dropping out from under him.

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he stammered, even though he knew _ exactly _ what Cole meant, and Cole knew that, too.

“You don’t have to be so alone,” Cole said. “The quiet does not have to be so loud.”

Camris hated that he understood what Cole meant. 

Camris hated that Cole dug so deep, hated that Cole finally found  _ him _ instead of stealing plums from the kitchens. 

Camris hated the failure in his resolve, the fracture in his facade, but he couldn’t change his own nature, let alone face it; so, for right now, he found reprieve in resenting what others could not change about themselves. If he tried hard enough, maybe even the nauseating guilt would fade away.

“You don’t understand,” Camris bit out through gritted teeth, looking down, far down, to where the battlements finally met the mountain.

“I _ don’t! _ ” By the Creators, Cole sounded like he was _ pleading. _ “You don’t let me in! I could help if you let me in! Let-”

“Let  _ who _ in?” Camris snapped, harshly whipping his head towards Cole. “Who would understand? Who would follow a leader that is- that is like  _ this _ when he’s alone? Who would- who would stay _ around _ for that?”

“Him.” Camris watched as Cole stretched his arm out and pointed to the Skyhold grounds. Camris didn’t need to look to know who it was. “Falling doesn’t feel so bad when you’re with him. He would stretch his hand out, too. You don’t always need to laugh.”

Camris looked over his shoulder and, as he watched Dorian saunter down the steps of Skyhold, swallowed thickly. “If I don’t laugh,” he whispered, voice hoarse, “If I let myself… be, I’m terrified he won’t come back.”

“He will.” Camris looked back to Cole. “You just have to reach up.”

Camris sighed and turned away again. He breathed in the cool wind that swept in. “You snooping around in his head, too?”

“He’s so loud,” Cole said. “He’s like you.”

Camris worried his bottom lip. It felt like an intrusion to press further, but… “Like me?”

Cole nodded. “It hurts. He doesn’t let me in, either. But you… he will let you in. He’s scared, too.” He paused. “You should let him in. He’ll understand.”

“Sometimes,” Camris whispered, “I feel like I’m hurtling towards nothing, and by the time I hit the ground, I’ll realize that I’ve missed all the footholds.”

“I know,” Cole said. “That’s why he reaches down. It’s… odd.”

“Odd?” Camris arched an eyebrow.

“He’s not like me,” Cole explained. “But he wants to help you. Like I do.”

Camris watched as Dorian, now stopped outside the tavern, shared a joke with Sera, who had stuck her upper half out her window to shout something down at him.

“If you reach up,” Cole said, “He won’t be so far away.”

Camris hesitated.

It was awfully far down. But-

He sighed and gave Cole a smile. “Thanks, Cole.”

Camris then turned, Cole already vanished from beside him, and stepped to the other side of the battlements.

“Dorian!” he called down and Dorian, about to step through the tavern’s doorway, leaned back and, spotting Camris, flashed him a grin.

“Inquisitor!” Dorian called back, taking a few steps towards the battlements. “Getting some sun, I see?”

“This is the best way I can spy on everyone.” As if on instinct, Camris kidded but, remembering what Cole said, he took a breath and said, “Or just… getting some air.”

“Well,” Dorian said, beaming up at him, “I’m sure that’s fine and all, but how about some company? I’ll even treat you to the first round of drinks if you’re nice.”

Camris laughed. “I’m  _ always _ nice.”

“Depends on who you ask, I’d wager.” Dorian cocked his head. “Though I’d put in a pretty good word for you.”

“Such generosity!” Camris laughed, and let himself meet Dorian down below.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! feedback is greatly appreciated!!! <3
> 
> ohsweetflips.tumblr.com


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